this *#&^(*$&$* post

Why can’t I have both?

I feel like I’m going to combust. How can I possibly explain the agony I’m feeling right now? How can I possibly appease this heavy feeling in my chest? How can I possibly make all THIS PAIN disappear? How can I possibly pack my things when I can’t stop crying?

Please somebody tell me what to do! Please just somebody make it all better. Why can’t things be simpler? Why can’t things go back to the way it used to be? When will THIS stop because THIS just fuckin hurts.

Déjà vu.

Everything’s sinking in.

Whatever decision I make, I just end up crying. Why can’t I stop crying? I just have no fuckin clue what to do. Why am I always so SAD? How can I stop THIS?

I feel like I’ve already been damaged the first time, a chip off my shoulder. And I’ve been sensitive ever since. Whenever it’s brought up, I get this heavy feeling and my eyes get watery. And I’ve been TRYING to make it all better. And now, what I’m feeling right now just feels so familiar. Like a band-aid was ripped out, leaving this pain exposed. Again. Flesh wound.

ENOUGH.

Enough NOW.