some realizations

All this time I've been crying, wanting you immensely.. feeling my heart is going to burst every time i see you or remember moments with you, my dream. I feel i've idealized you too much, blinded by my illusions of you as my savior, someone who would rescue me from the monotony and emptiness in my life.

Now that i think about it, in reality, no one can save me from this emptiness but me. This really is not an issue between you and me, but an issue between me and...myself.
This is not just an issue about love. It's about my life and what i'm doing with it or rather what i'm not doing with it. I am a coward. I am like the crystal salesman from "The Alchemist" who dreams to go to Mecca but never does.

I am afraid to realize my dreams. A part of me is scared because I feel I'm never good enough. The other part meanwhile feels kinda anxious..i mean after i've realized my dream then what happens next. I mean i got what I always wanted but there's still the fear of uncertainty. I think that's the problem right there.. I think ahead too much! Maybe the saying is true - the destination isn't as important as the journey itself, the journey to one's dream.